Air Instead

I was at a party at which cake was being eaten.

Someone choked on the cake (being eaten).

I helpfully suggested the following: Cake is not for breathing.

This is a truism that feels important to me. There are lots of things a person ought not to breath, and cake is, I think I can safely say, among the foremost.

Out of Everything, This

Since becoming a...um..."blogger," I find myself thinking, at least once a day, "Oh, I could blog about that."

But I don't. Usually, ever. Instead, I'll be sitting at a computer, and just spontaneously decide to share something funny I find on the web. Here it is:

Provocola

I'm not one to jump on bandwagons, but...oh wait--this isn't even a bandwagon yet. The purpose of this post is to contribute to the starting of a bandwagon. Bandwagon. (Bandwagon.)

But really, this is pretty fantastic.


Valley 3 News: BYU Brings Caffeine to Campus from Jimmy Newell on Vimeo.

Meaningless Conversation

The other day, I ran into an old friend and had this exchange:

Me: "Oh my gosh, look who it is!"

Her: "Hey, how are you? I haven't seen you in…what, two years?"

Me: "Yeah, wow, how have you been?"

Her: "I've been really good."

Me: "So what have you been up to?"

Her: "Oh, you know, just stayin' out of trouble."

…

So, being me, I couldn't help but consider the alternative. What if the conversation had gone differently?

"So what have you been up to?"

"I'm actually in a lot of trouble right now. Thing is, I murdered a guy a while back, and it's been—well, you know, it's just been really tough to keep my head down, and…yeah, I'm just in a bit of a bind, but I think I'll be alright. What about you? What are you doing these days?"

I so hope that no one takes offense at my pointing out the banality of some most of our small talk. But maybe think for a minute about how you answer polite questions. With a little effort, you could really spice up the conversation.

Have You Ever Played the Atari?

If you're older than...oh, let's say 21, then murky images from your childhood should be bubbling to the surface of your consciousness right about now. 

Let's take a moment and reflect upon the time we spend with that dear machine...

You are now free to wonder what motivated this topic. See, I've just been on this Ataris kick recently (for those of you feeling confused, I'm talking about the band "The Ataris," but I couldn't say "I've just been on this The Ataris kick recently," because that sounds really stupid [end of parenthetical]). 

Listening to that band makes me feel like I'm 17 again, but in the good way. Not like "I'm angsty and selfish and living at home," but like, "I'm passionate and playful and innocently eager to get on with life." 

Nostalgic favorite from High School:

San Dimas High School Football Rules on "Blue Skies, Broken Hearts...Next 12 Exits"

I'm going to make you dinner.

:::A window into the way my brain works:::

Someone said, "I'm going to make you dinner."

A typical human might understand that statement to mean, "I am going to make some dinner for you to eat."

I hear, "I'm going to make you dinner."

So what? you might say (or think, if you're not in the habit of verbalizing such things)

Well, think about this: "I'm going to make steak dinner."

Except replace "steak" with "you."

Apply broadly: "You know, Steve's a nice guy. I should make Steve dinner sometime."

Too bad Steve won't be able to personally enjoy it.

Lost? They're going to eat Steve for dinner. Least, that's what I heard.

:::Window closed:::

Again, Stealing from Smarter, Funnier People

It's probably wrong to post some other website's comics on my blog. So call it marketing. I love xkcd, and I want everyone else to love them as well.