Happy Union

Every once in a while, XKCD and Google cross paths, and when that happens, I rejoice. Here is why:

Hamster Me

This is very funny:

Avada Kedavra

I've been wondering about these words.

I read Harry Potter late. I was reading book 3 after the 7th deally had already come out. I even successfully avoided catching any spoilers until I had finished the entire behemoth of words. I even enjoyed myself. (I was a Harry Potter hater before I got into them. Now I'm a Harry Potter tolerant.)

There was a lot of silliness all throughout the books. Just...a lot of it. You know. I don't have to prove that much of that giant franchise is pretty ridiculous. But it was fun. And it seemed, for the most part, that Rowling had a handle on how to treat some subjects seriously enough to get the reader invested in the story she was trying to tell.

But then... "Abracadabra!" Wait, what?

"It's the killing curse" (the most evil possible thing you can ever do as a wizard). "ABRACADABRA!!!"

Abracadabra? Really?

"No! It's Avada Kedavra!"

Oooooh. Oh that's much different. I see.

So, what I'm getting here is that J.K. Rowling, in her attempt to envision the most bone-chilling curse imaginable, made up a couple of words that, when said together, sound almost exactly like the word Bugs Bunny uses when he's pretending to be a genie. I just...I just don't understand how I'm supposed to take this seriously.

I also struggle to get my head around the idea that the ultimate, unforgivable spell results in what amounts to a quick and painless death. Shoot, I'd take that over some of the pranks the kid-wizards pull any day.

I've resolved that if I ever meet J.K. Rowling in person, I'm going to pull out a short stick and shout, "Avada Kedavra!" at her. Why? Eh. I don't think these things through.

Your three letters are not my three letters

From now on, this is how I will interpret the following (internet lingo/overused acronyms/mortifying displays of shameful laziness):

LOL - Little Old Ladies ["What about them?" I shall ask.]

BRB - Bringing Rap Back ["Well, that sounds foolish and unnecessary," I might say.]

WTF - Why The Frown? ["No, silly! It's, 'Why so SERIOUS?'"]

BFF - Big Fat Friend ["Come now, would you say that to her face?"]

OMG - Orangutans Make Grapes ["...No they don't."]

IDK - I Don't Kare ["It's spelled with a 'c'. Besides, I think you DO care."]

SOL - Sort Of Lying ["You're either lying or you're not. Now I don't know what to believe."]

G2G - Going to Gary's ["Who's Gary?"]

Anyway, I'm sure there's more, but for now, I'm g2g.

I Can Hear the Fat Birds Singing

Don't read this post.

But!

If you do decide to read further, I will expose unto you the mysteries of the wide universe. I will pass these mysteries on to you as soon as I receive them. How will I know that you have read and therefore deserve said mysteries? Because by then I will know the mysteries of the wide universe--it stands to reason that I would also know whether you are deserving of those same mysteries.

Mysteries.

Well anyway.

...

Thing is.... Alright okay. I don't have any mysteries right now.

I really wish you hadn't kept reading.

Drilling for Cats

So. Turns out that we're having...what? Energy problems? Like, oil's way expensive, or something? Anyway, a lot of people are upset, and apparently it's really politically complicated to...drill for...more oil....

Well anyway whatever. I have a better solution.

Cats. Some estimates put the stray cat population in the U.S. at 70 million. Seventy million cats. These cats could be harnessed for their collective transporting power--say...eight or ten cats per person (which person would be wearing, probably, rollerblades). I know, I know, this wouldn't solve all of our problems, but it would certainly relieve at least some of the pressure on the demand for oil.

Also, the carcasses of dead cats could be fed into environmentally friendly, efficiently burning engines. We have the technology. Why don't we invent things like that? Instead, the majority of these dead animals are left rotting in the streets or in garbage heaps. Wasted.

If oil is black gold, then certainly cats are the new, furry gold. That old lady across the street? She's sitting on a goldmine. A furry goldmine.

Funertaining

At the risk of being redundant, I made up a "real" new word.

Yes, I'm admitting that the last one was pointless and ridiculous.

But this one...

I don't even need to talk about it. It's "fun" and "entertaining" put together. Very simple. Very effective. Very funertaining.

Use it or die.