First from the Road

Parting words of the day: "Remember, there's no shame in using lubricant."

Before you make any assumptions, this is in reference to someone leaving to, presumably, go lay eggs.

Easy Mac

Directions:

REMOVE lid and Cheese Sauce Mix; set aside. (Note: You will see loose white powder in Pasta. This is necessary for proper cooking.)

ADD WATER to fill-line in cup. STIR.

MICROWAVE, uncovered, on HIGH 3-1/2 min, or until pasta is tender.
DO NOT DRAIN. (Excess liquid is needed to make cheese sauce.)

CAUTION: CUP AND CONTENTS WILL BE VERY HOT! KEEP CUP UPRIGHT TO AVOID SPILLS

STIR IN cheese sauce mix until well blended. (Cheese sauce will thicken upon standing.)

Breakdown:

"Cheese Sauce Mix" First of all, I'm unsettled by the kind of branding that demands the first letters of each of these words be capitalized. Also, what is it, really? Because I'm now left certain that its relationship to cheese, as I understand it, is distant at best.

"Note:" What follows feels more like a "WARNING." And I'm overwhelmed with a desire to know why the "loose white powder...is necessary for proper cooking."

"Excess liquid is needed to make cheese sauce." Mmm. I can feel my hunger diminishing already. I didn't even need to eat any of it! How miraculously satisfying.

"Cheese sauce will thicken upon standing," eventually gaining sentience. Eat before Cheese Sauce becomes aggressive.

Parting considerations:

What about these directions leads the reader to believe that he is eating actual food? That's rhetorical. Here's a real question. In the event of an apocalypse/complete societal collapse, will Easy Mac be something that we miss? Please, share your thoughts.

Applied Farting

I've been looking into getting an iPhone. More importantly:

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