Your three letters are not my three letters

From now on, this is how I will interpret the following (internet lingo/overused acronyms/mortifying displays of shameful laziness):

LOL - Little Old Ladies ["What about them?" I shall ask.]

BRB - Bringing Rap Back ["Well, that sounds foolish and unnecessary," I might say.]

WTF - Why The Frown? ["No, silly! It's, 'Why so SERIOUS?'"]

BFF - Big Fat Friend ["Come now, would you say that to her face?"]

OMG - Orangutans Make Grapes ["...No they don't."]

IDK - I Don't Kare ["It's spelled with a 'c'. Besides, I think you DO care."]

SOL - Sort Of Lying ["You're either lying or you're not. Now I don't know what to believe."]

G2G - Going to Gary's ["Who's Gary?"]

Anyway, I'm sure there's more, but for now, I'm g2g.

I Can Hear the Fat Birds Singing

Don't read this post.

But!

If you do decide to read further, I will expose unto you the mysteries of the wide universe. I will pass these mysteries on to you as soon as I receive them. How will I know that you have read and therefore deserve said mysteries? Because by then I will know the mysteries of the wide universe--it stands to reason that I would also know whether you are deserving of those same mysteries.

Mysteries.

Well anyway.

...

Thing is.... Alright okay. I don't have any mysteries right now.

I really wish you hadn't kept reading.

Drilling for Cats

So. Turns out that we're having...what? Energy problems? Like, oil's way expensive, or something? Anyway, a lot of people are upset, and apparently it's really politically complicated to...drill for...more oil....

Well anyway whatever. I have a better solution.

Cats. Some estimates put the stray cat population in the U.S. at 70 million. Seventy million cats. These cats could be harnessed for their collective transporting power--say...eight or ten cats per person (which person would be wearing, probably, rollerblades). I know, I know, this wouldn't solve all of our problems, but it would certainly relieve at least some of the pressure on the demand for oil.

Also, the carcasses of dead cats could be fed into environmentally friendly, efficiently burning engines. We have the technology. Why don't we invent things like that? Instead, the majority of these dead animals are left rotting in the streets or in garbage heaps. Wasted.

If oil is black gold, then certainly cats are the new, furry gold. That old lady across the street? She's sitting on a goldmine. A furry goldmine.

Funertaining

At the risk of being redundant, I made up a "real" new word.

Yes, I'm admitting that the last one was pointless and ridiculous.

But this one...

I don't even need to talk about it. It's "fun" and "entertaining" put together. Very simple. Very effective. Very funertaining.

Use it or die.