I Can Hear the Fat Birds Singing

Don't read this post.

But!

If you do decide to read further, I will expose unto you the mysteries of the wide universe. I will pass these mysteries on to you as soon as I receive them. How will I know that you have read and therefore deserve said mysteries? Because by then I will know the mysteries of the wide universe--it stands to reason that I would also know whether you are deserving of those same mysteries.

Mysteries.

Well anyway.

...

Thing is.... Alright okay. I don't have any mysteries right now.

I really wish you hadn't kept reading.