Humoring Me

Last night, I auditioned for Humor U, which is a BYU stand-up comedy troupe that turns out to be pretty successful here on campus.

I decided that, for posterity, I would textualize my audition here. It may not be word for word, but it's close.

The other day, I was talking to a friend of mine who likes movies. We both love movies, and we were talking about two excellent films, The Dark Knight and Julie and Julia. My friend told me that the Dark Knight is a better film than Julie and Julia. I suggested that those are two very different films, and he said, “I’m fan of comparing things.” I said, “Anything?” He said, “Yeah.” I said, “Like, people and…bread?”

Man, this Nature’s Pride 12-grain is way cooler than…Derek. Well, maybe, but that’s not the point. I started thinking of all the different kinds of things you could compare.

Like motorcycles and disposable diapers. Motorcycles, definitely.

Or how about Dental Work and Christmas. I choose Christmas.

Or maybe happiness and, I don’t know, mud. I guess that would be a hard choice if mud makes you really happy.

That sort of reminds me of those cryptic online personality tests that turn out to be little more than ill-conceived “would you rather” questions.

Would you rather A) Be hugged or B) Have nightmares?

Would you rather have A) a new puppy or B) AIDS?

Would you rather A) Eat candy or B) Be eaten by candy?

I hope I didn't offend anyone with the AIDS question, since I figured that anyone who actually has AIDS probably knows that having a puppy is better than that terrifying, incurable disease.

Anyway, if you answered B to one or more of those questions, then you are a…click here to get your results!