Drilling for Cats

So. Turns out that we're having...what? Energy problems? Like, oil's way expensive, or something? Anyway, a lot of people are upset, and apparently it's really politically complicated to...drill for...more oil....

Well anyway whatever. I have a better solution.

Cats. Some estimates put the stray cat population in the U.S. at 70 million. Seventy million cats. These cats could be harnessed for their collective transporting power--say...eight or ten cats per person (which person would be wearing, probably, rollerblades). I know, I know, this wouldn't solve all of our problems, but it would certainly relieve at least some of the pressure on the demand for oil.

Also, the carcasses of dead cats could be fed into environmentally friendly, efficiently burning engines. We have the technology. Why don't we invent things like that? Instead, the majority of these dead animals are left rotting in the streets or in garbage heaps. Wasted.

If oil is black gold, then certainly cats are the new, furry gold. That old lady across the street? She's sitting on a goldmine. A furry goldmine.