Inexperiences

If I have tons of experience with something, that's an asset, right? Well, I guess it depends what the something is. It would be good to be experienced as a bank teller, but bad to be experienced as a bank robber.

Here are some other binary examples:

Astronomist vs. Astrologist

Firefighter vs. Arsonist

Human Rights Activist vs.... Human Rights Deactivist

Cartographer vs. Pornographer

Well anyway. I guess you get the idea. The problem is, what if you want to be able to claim a lot of experience in something (like, for a resume), but you can't. What do you do? You claim inexperience. But here's the real trick: don't claim inexperience in something positive--"I have a lot of inexperience in law enforcement"--claim it in something negative--"I have had extensive inexperience in murdering other people."

Better yet, compare yourself to someone who's inexperience equals your own in some related field. "Like Spielberg, I have had many inexperiences with cannibalism. In fact, I would say that my inexperience on this front is totally unsurpassed."

"Surely," your target audience will assume, "this man is at least as qualified, then, as Steven Spielberg."

When it comes to inexperience, you see, your credentials can be truly limitless.